Friendship...a personal view on what I've learnt

It just hit me a couple of days ago that in another 4 months, I will be graduating from university. I would have finished my tertiary (partially) education. As I reflect back my education years, more than just the knowledge I've obtained over the past decade or so, is actually the people that I have met during my schooling years (school, college, university). When I mean people, I just don't mean class or course friends. People that I have met during my educational years include friends from other courses and different programs, some of my TA students, teahcers, lecturers, and professors. When I look back, I realize that some of them (especially teachers and profs) have really made a huge impact and influence on me. I've come to look at them not as teachers, but as adivsors, someone I can go to for advice and help.

Some friends too have taught me alot of things in life. I must admit that these friends have helped me grow to becoming who I am today. They've also taught me things that I could never learn from books and by studying. I think the most important thing I've learnt from these few amazing people is that there is more to life than just studying. In fact, one close friend of mine even showed me the whole importance of friendship through his actions and support. (I never used to take friendship seriously in the past, I never had clicks in high school and I never saw the important need for them).

I have to admit I'm not gonna miss all of my friends over here. I've always felt this notion that there are people out there who just "pretend" to be a friend of mine just so that I can helpe them out whenever they need me. Don't get me wrong, I like helping people out, but at the same time I hate to be ignored and be forgotten, and suddenly be remembered when the person is facing some deep problem or needs some help. I'm sure we all too feel that way. I don't think that's real friendship...

But then again, how many real friendships can we have? How do you define real friendships in the first place? Well there is no formal defination for this, it really depends on how you view real friendship and people's view of real friendship varies from individual to individual.

For me, real friendship is simply this :

• you genuienly take interest in the other person's life (ie - you ask about school, you talk about his/her family etc..) and vice versa. Often if your friendship aint real, this is usually a one-way channel. You may ask alot about the other person but the other person doesn't really ask you anything, or vice versa.
• You actually set aside time to spend time with the person - This can be anything from watching a movie, weekly bubble tea chatting, playing sports or just hanging out - as long as you set aside time to plan some activity with the other person
• You be with the person in the good and bad times - Most people I've noticed flock to me when I'm in a happy and cheerful mood. Suddenly when I feel depressed and I need someone to talk to, I only find a handful of people who are around. What happened to the rest? Sure excuses like "oh you should have told me" or "i was busy" are common defending answers... i guess if you have a real true friendship with someone...you don't need to be told if the other person is down or anything like that. You just know... and don't give me that crap saying that some people just need to be told about things - i just find that to be pure BS simply cuz if you care enough for the person, you will unconsiously learn to read his/her expressions and emotions well enough to know what's happening with him/her. This intuition feeling is something that can be learned if you really want to. Although I will admit that it is partially in a person's personality traits, nevertheless I believe it's something that can be learnt if the person is willing to and cares enough to do so.

Something interesting though I've learnt about friendship: you don't need alot of friends to be happy. You don't need to please everyone and be friends with everyone in your class or workplace. For me, I judge friends by the quality, not by the quantity. I mean what's the point of having so many friends but they're all just "good-times friends"? Maybe some of you may be happy with this, but for me a real friend should be more than just a "good-times friend". I find it hard at times to be a good-times friend to other people because I feel like a faker when I do that. Maybe some of you dont, maybe some of you do feel the same. So I usually just try to avoid having too many friends...I guess I just can't be a faker, and just simply smile to some person when I don't really know him. Yes I'm bad at acting and faking...I'm sorry but to me, faking is a cheap way of selling yourself. I just dont know how some people do it though! *personal thought - Maybe I'm too naive*

If you really want a true friend, a friend for life, just make sure you do all those things I've listed up above...and make sure the other person is also doing all those things listed as well...but you know, it's worth it... when you find real friendship, you can have the strength to let go others, cuz you know, at the end of the day, it's only real true friends that will stand by you...and having this thought ought to give you enough encouragement and strength :)